Ra|DeR

Reality n facts

2006-11-06T23:45:00.000+08:00

Never in my life i feel so hurt before..
Never in my life i wanna avoid the truth..
Never in my life i wanna face this facts..
Never in my life i try to look into this reality..
Wonder what happen?
Until now i can't even accept that the man i most look upon to did this..
The man who give me my life is the man who hurt me and disappoint me the most..
He also hurt the woman who love him the most..
The woman who spend her 35 yrs of her life working and taking care of him n her sons..
He shattered her heart so deep that she often break into tears..
She expects nothing much from the man, only to want his heart back..

Til the end

2006-08-28T22:27:00.000+08:00

All this precious moment
With you by my side
Must be a gift from heaven
That's holding me all night
I don t know how I found you
I am thankful that I have
Never I have a love so true
To hold to keep to share

In my heart I can no longer hold inside
All of the love I used to hide
I'll always be with you until the very end
In this world
There is no place I've rather be
You are my life my soul my girl
And through it all I know you've come to see
That you are the one till the end

All my friends around me
Say you'll be gone too soon
Baby I'm gona make them see
We'll find out way back home

In my heart I can no longer hold inside
All of the love I used to hide
I'll always be with you until the very end
In this world
There is no place I've rather be
You are my life my soul my girl
And through it all I know you've come to see
That you are the one till the end
You'll always be till the end

Christina

2006-08-10T22:54:00.000+08:00

Cute and Adorable makes her physically attractive...
Cheerful and bright personality makes her character shines...
Caring and truthful side of her makes her shines among her gender..
She is special and unique in my eyes..
Not much words can really describe about her..
She is none other than my love, Christina.. Lol..
=)

Path I had Choosen..

2006-08-01T00:18:00.000+08:00

Things changed quickly this time..
Met her last monday and things start to change..
With kissing coming in things become more complex..

"Give me 1 year" she said.

I pondered and thoughts run through..
I agreed..
I have choosen an unseen path.
A path that might lead to sorrow or the one that might lead to happiness..
Let time tell..
Guess i really fall this time...

Drink n drink..

2006-07-15T01:11:00.000+08:00

Just back hm from drinking with david.. Ard 6 cans each and i am feeling sleepy now..
Nothing much to say.. but still having doubts abt my future..

Time now 1.09am july 15.. Time to ZzZZz..

Life so far...

2006-07-13T23:25:00.000+08:00

Well noone will really read my blog anyway because i nvr really tell much ppl abt this DUSTY site. keke..

Life so far...
Updates.. Loading.....

Pretty much boring and dull. Working as Assistant Engineer at Ship n metal building company.
Almost everyday work except sundays. I like the job scope but i hate the long working hours and the lacking of interesting in my life due to prolong hour facing my bangala and indians worker. Even though so of them are quite cute actually.. Haha..

Bangala:" Foreman! No job ah?"
Me:"Got.."
Bangala:"Got ah? Job many many?"
Me:" Ya.. many many.. Y? U no job ah?"
Bangala:"What no job? No job, Boss many many Fuck.."

PS: When talk to bangala or indian.. must us the key word many many..

Love life... Nothing much to talk abt it. Still the same old stubborn n choosy me when come to this. Is always like this in this game. Pretty much of it.. The one u like don't fancy u n the one u don't fancy like you. Rule of the game.. Don't think so much. What is yours will always be yours.
Dame it!! That is just and excuse for me not to try and make effort.. u DICK!
Hai.. i scared i try to hard will have negative effect.. I scared i don't put in effort i can't win the battle.. what shall i do then?
What actually she wants peepz?
Huh? Who is that she? Well.. i can't say i have just been christinalize.. =X

Time now: 1140pm, 13 july 06.. Cooling n misty night.. n meaning what? Time to get some sleep bonkers.. lol.. Cya stranger. or whoever tom dick or harry who is reading this.. i will be back SOON..

Life

2006-05-30T22:47:00.000+08:00

Have u really wonder y r we living alive in this world?
Life..
What is it about actually?
From young is abt study slowly it comes to your adult life you start to work.
Work through day and night. It between all this stagnent life u have u tend to add in some spice to it. Things like your relationship problem, family problem and whatever u can think of.

So life is full of problems.. Evryone got to face it in a different way and a different manner.
But y face it? At the end of the day.. u still have to die when you r old. So y suffer?

Life Sucks.. Loves Suck.. Bascially Everything sucks.. Even tiny little oxygen molecues u breathing sucks. Becasue it keep u ALIVE..

My grandmother..

2006-02-21T01:59:00.000+08:00

Hmmm.. The following post is a post i get from my cousin, who shared the same childhood as me. Well, basically he wrote something about my grandmother which i shed tears whenever i read this. Kinda of relate how i feel about my grandmother and the feelings about my bitterness over her death. It really upset me deeply when i cannot even talk to her for the last time before she passed away. Living n growing up in Singapore makes me only got to see my cousins n grandmother once a year but our relationship is really close.. the sadness n bitterness is still there..

This is what my cousin wrote:

My paternal grandmother was a wonderful woman from China. She came to Malaya when she was still very young and fell in love with my grandfather. They made a perfect couple and gave birth to ten children. Ever since I was a child we would go to her house in a secluded Indian Kampong for Chinese New Year celebration. My entire family---aunts, uncles and cousins, would be brought together after a year’s parting, all waiting for the moment of reunion. The adults would sit around the table sipping tea and entertaining themselves with good conversation. We would play different kinds of fireworks, setting the neighbor’s roof on fire and adding colors to the dark and gloomy sky. The happiest moment of all would be when the clock struck twelve, as we kids lined up to accept blessings and most importantly, ang pau from our grandmother. My grandmother was forever smiling and laughing. I can still hear her laugh in my head. I can hear the exact same beautiful, boisterous and extremely happy laugh as I used to hear those Chinese New Years.
There were a lot of fruit trees beside my grandmother’s house---durian, rambutan, guava, pomelo, pineapple, coconut, mango, sugarcane, etc. She would harvest those fruits from time to time for us. Because all the rambutan trees were so tall at that time, she would use a wooden staircase or a long stick to get to the fruits. Despite her old age, she moved swiftly and agilely and within minutes, all the rambutans started falling down. On the ground, we would stand by with plastic begs to collect her harvest. My cousins and I would run around the trees shrieking at the top of our lungs, but my grandmother never scolded us.
A horrible stroke some years ago paralyzed my grandmother. She couldn’t move the lower half of her body, and had to sit on a wheelchair all the time. That’s the first time I started to realize my grandmother had grown old. As time passed by, she grew weaker and weaker and had to lie on her bed all day. That was when she started to forget things. I was grief seeing her condition, but nothing compared to the pain my parents suffered. I was glad she could still recognize all of us. Her voice had become weak, her body thin, but her angelic smile never faded. When I visited her, I would talk to her, and she to me. She would always say the same thing to me, perhaps not remembering she had said it before.
“Your father works very hard because he has no money. You must study hard to repay him.”
“I know, Gram.”
When I was 21 my grandmother was getting worse. She couldn’t talk and couldn’t open her eyes. She had difficulty in eating that she grew thinner and thinner, not to mention weaker and weaker. She couldn’t see us so we held her hand while talking to her, making her feel cared and loved. We didn’t know she hear us or not because she could no longer gave responses. One day I reached out and held her hand. I sat there for maybe half an hour just holding her hand and kept talking to her. The amazing thing was I saw tears in the corners of her eyes. I wasn’t sure if she responded to me, but I believed deep down there inside her heart, she could hear me. I cried, but this time it was not from despair.
"Your grandmother is in her last hours," my father said as he phoned me one day telling me the bad news several months after that. I drove to her house with my mother and sister. We stepped into her room and saw my father, aunts and uncle standing over her bed. There lay my grandmother. She lay there on her bed with her eyes closed, no more breathing. I stepped over to the left side of the bed and then stroked my grandmother's arm. I held her hand, and my eyes began to water. I tipped my head back so that my unshed tears would roll back into my head. I tried so hard not to cry. I was here to comfort my father, and crying wouldn't console him, but my tears came anyway as I stood there holding my grandmother's hand and looking at her beautiful face.
It has been a year now since my grandmother passed away. Sometimes, I can still hear her angelic voice in my head,
“Your father works very hard because he has no money. You must study hard to repay him.”
“I know, Gram.” I answer every time in my mind.

Love

2005-10-18T01:58:00.000+08:00

What's the key to a rewarding and lasting relationship?Some people may tell you that it is to find out each other's weaknesses, understand them, and work through them together as a couple. Although this is feasible to a certain extent, it can become frustrating and exhausting, because there will be problem spots that you won't be able to resolve together.

A woman discovered what loving someone truly involved, when she asked her husband to try out a relationship-building exercise she came across in a magazine. She approached him and said, "I read in a magazine a while ago, about how we can strengthen our marriage. Each of us will write a list of the things we find a bit annoying about the other person. Then we can talk about how we can fix them together and make our lives happier together."Her husband agreed, so each of them went into a separate room and thought of all the things that annoyed them about each other.

They thought about this for the rest of the day and wrote down what they came up with. The following morning, at the breakfast table, they decided that they would go over their lists. "I'll start," offered the wife and took out her list. It had many items on it. Enough to fill three pages in fact. As she started reading the list of little annoyances, she noticed that tears were starting to appear in her husband's eyes. "What's wrong?" she asked. "Nothing," her husband replied, "Keep reading your list." The wife continued to read until she had read all three pages to her husband. She neatly placed her list on the table and folded her hands over it. "Now, you read your list and then we'll talk about the things on both of our lists," she said happily. Softly, her husband started, "I don't have anything on my list. I love you the way you are. And I wouldn't want to try and change anything about you."

Very often, raising the negative aspects of a relationship can erode its strength rather than reinforce it. When you love someone, it should be in spite of his or her flaws. There will always be things to disappoint, depress and annoy us about our partners. But why dwell on these when there is so much beauty, promise and light as well?

Two simple tips for couples
To make full your loving cup
If you're wrong, admit it
If you're right, shut up

Wife

2005-09-25T04:42:00.000+08:00

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0.
I soon noticedthat the new program began unexpected child processing that took up alot of space and valuable resources.
In addition, Wife 1.0 installeditself into all other programs and now monitors all other systemactivity.
Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Huntingand Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 no longer run, crashing the systemwhenever selected.

I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to runmy favorite applications.
I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!

Thanks,
A Troubled User.

(KEEP READING)xxxxxxxxx

REPLY:

Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that men complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it isjust a Utilities and Entertainment program.
Wife 1.0 is an OPERATINGSYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!!
It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0.
It isimpossible to uninstall or purge the program files from the system onceinstalled.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to notallow this.
Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-ChildSupport.
I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving thesituation.
I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" toalleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE becauseultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the systemwill return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance.
Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2.
However, be very careful how you use these programs.
Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5.
Once this happens,the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software.
I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !
WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With ShortSkirt 3.3.
This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will causeirreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,
Tech Support

Work,Club,Drinks..

2005-09-04T19:16:00.000+08:00

Well.. Well.. My blog is ageing. It has been a long time since i visited my own site due to countless of work, overtime clubbing and unlimited of drinking. Lol..

Life so far for me is still quite ok except the fact that i am tied up with tonnes of work. Being a PC in BMTC is not easy, u got to burn a lot of weekends and accmulate alot of 'OFF's that cannot be pay back by the Government. I am just an NSF man, y so unfair???
PS: CDF if u are reading this please do something!

Every weekend is the same for me, always club n club n club. It seems like i am used to this kinda of life and i just can't live without it. Drinking makes me feel good! every week at least a barrel of beer and a bottle of premium liqour. A barrel of beer and a bottle of premium liqour keeps my engine go on. Lala..

In about a months time i am going to start to clear my leave and get ready to ORD! Kinda of lost and confused because i don't know what to do after that. Losing a allowance of $1k++ a month from the goverment is a big lost to me.

Lastly i hope 1st Dec will come soon! That is best buddy's ROM date. Just can't wait to see him get married. Time to go... Whew... Zoom...

TV Shows Baton

2005-06-07T00:38:00.000+08:00

TV Shows Baton
Oh ok.. another arrow i kana from the same lady again! But is ok.. I know how to "BLOG" so no worries.. hoho.. Tv Shows huh? Seldom watched Tv nowadays, so mostly all old shows mentioned.

Total volume of video files on my computer currently:
Hmm.. Gd qns.. I don't know. Is all over the places.. I am not the one using this Computer only. So next!

The television shows I have watched today / are going to watch today are:
Haha.. None! Don't waste time. Next!

Five shows that I really like to watch are:
Liu Xing Hua Yuan - hmm like this show because of Jerry and Da 'S' character in the show. Like the way they speak to each other and the sparks thay both produced in the show.

Desperated Housewives - Oh the only show that i will tried to watch in camp. Got pretty babes and interesting "encounters" in the show. But seldom watched nowadays.

Tian Long Ba Bu - Not the lastest shown on the tv but is the hong kong version one which was shown few yrs ago. I just loved the 3 main character "Qiao Feng", "Duan Yu" & "Xu Zhu". Of course the storyline is Good. One of the best in Jing Yong's novel. Oh! before i forget abt it i like "Shen diao Xie Nui" also. Because of a character call XIANG ER. Haha.. =P

Shi Zhi Lu Kou - Variety show by Xian Xian.. Its Funny!

National Geographic - I loved nature. I like to know more about them. I loved to know about the past. I loved to know interesting things.

Musical Baton

2005-05-25T00:43:00.000+08:00

Ok ok i have been kana arrow by a "pretty" lady to continue this baton. Anyway nothing to post also so i post this lo.. I am right xiang er?? haha..

Total volume of music files on my computer:
1.51GB of mp3s... ermmm more than 500 songs i can guess

The last CD I bought:
Hmmm.. cannot remember.. Mp3 and Ktv is my source of music.

Song playing right now: Purest of Pain

Five songs that I listen to a lot, or mean a lot to me:

1. 'Purest of Pain' by SON BY FOUR: Meaningful lyrics and tunes sum up all my feelings abt all the scar and pain that i had in my past relationship.

2. 'Like a Rose' by A1: My first relationship is exactly like wat it said in the lyrics. That is why is special..

3. '1st Love' by Utada: The song that i nvr feel bored to listen over n over again.

4. 'Lu2 Guo3 Ni3 Hai2 Ai4 Wo3' by Guang Liang: The title says it all rt??

5. 'Ai dao cai zhi dao tong(hokkiean)' by Huang Yi ling: Always been Siao Lang Dui Number1 hit song. I will always remember this song because my Dui Zhang just left me and the rest of the team members. Other ppl might not understand what this is all abt but is ok. U ppl dont't need to know.. Bro 4evers..

My buddy...

2005-05-23T23:36:00.000+08:00

Is being a long time i update my blog and now i am going to share with u a fairy tale with u all or should i said a true Love life story. Well this story is not abt my love life but in fact is my best buddy,GX's.

Well GX,KL and me always have been a great pals and buddies ever since Sec Sch, we always hang out together after sch or even during sch holidays we always hang out in JP acarde. We always tell each other our own personal feelings and like any other teenage boys, we each have our crush or girl tt we like in school. Of course i am not gng to tell u guys for i liked during my sec sch days.. lol. But for my Buddy,GX he likes a girl call XH since sec1.

His admire for XH is well known though out the school even the teachers in our sch knows abt it. For yrs GX is always like or shld i said love XH deeply. During the days in sec sch GX tried many times to ask XH to accept him but he failed.

Slowly after Sec sch together they went into same poly but at diff courses so there is hardly any chances for them to see each other in sch. After 4 yrs of pursing GX tried to gif up by trying to accept a new relationship but in did not work out for a mth. Deep down inside he knows his heart is all abt XH. Whenever GX is sad he will look for me and talk to me and everytime i will see his teary eyes whenever he talks abt XH. Things got slightly better for both of them as they do contact each other by msging and chatting on fone. This is why GX thought he had a chance and he trying ask XH to accept him but failed. The repeats of failure GX had makes him feel down. He totally lost his confidences and his 3 yrs poly life had been quite miserable. And here goes NS..

During his 1st yr NS life he tried not think abt her but failed. He sign on to keep himself busy to forget her but still it can't be done. Though they still contact each other but GX nvr dare to mention anything abt wanting XH to accept or he hoped for is not to make XH angry or ignored him. Things get better abit and they managed to go out together sometimes. Well finally after 8 yrs, they r finally together. 9 August 2004 they are officially together. U may ask y XH finally accept my buddy? The reason is simple because she is touched by the things my buddy did for her. hmmm.. example, going geylang to buy breakfast for her. Send her and pick her from work. When he knows she is alone in cinema or any places he will just stop what ever he is doing and go look for her. All this things touched her. I cannot explained clearly using word so NVM back to the story.

Well til to date they r still together and they r going VERY smoothly. Till to date is like they are together for abt 10 mths? And i got a very shocking news from my buddy.. THEY ARE GETTING MARRIED! ehh.. pls don't let ur imagination run wild, not because got baby ok? They are clean. They intend to ROM this end of yr and get married next yr. They even bought a house some where near JP.

Til now i am still quite suffering from shock abt the news. Lol.. I cannot believe the young punk who used to hang ard JP with me and KL is getting married. Well after TH (another buddy of ours) passed away this is the only thing me and KL is really happy about. Really is a dream come true for GX because is always his dream to married XH and he is on the way reaching it. Me and KL also feel tt kinda of happiness in our heart. Hopefully i can be a god father soon? haha.. All the best bro!!!

Me..

2005-04-26T22:41:00.000+08:00

Don't treat it as if u know me very well. I never changed at all or i have always been thinking negatively. I know the theroy life must go on but if to u a friend is just a come and go thing then i really must pray for ur friends. I appreciate all my friends that come across in my life and i nvr had a single ill intention on them. I shared the ups and downs of the 3 buddies i had in my life because i placed them in my heart. I put all my love,efforts,heart and soul in all my relationships that i had, and every single precious momement i remembered. If u wanna tried testing my memory, go ahead & ask me! If u were to ask me how much i can do for my buddies or the one i loved? I can tell u is my life! As for friends if is within my limits i will try my best to help, let it be donate organ or lend money(sadly which i dun haf much). Whatever i said is true.So u have no rights to say i had changed or think negatively because that is just purely me. The one and only ME that u never realised before. Life is precious and fragile. That is y i wanna be happy every sec of life as long as i don't harm the others. Mind u i never hurt anyone before lor as in bastard a friend or a girl so don't put words in my mouth. Alot things u don't know.But 1 thing i diff know i will not teach my kids in future to treat friends and realtionship as a come and go thing. Really really alot things u don't know.

another quiz

2005-04-25T17:48:00.000+08:00

Cor blimey, I taste like Tea.

I am a subtle flavour, quiet and polite, gentle, almost ambient. My presence in crowds will often go unnoticed. Best not to spill me on your clothes though, I can leave a nasty stain. What Flavour Are You?

Dreamz..

2005-04-25T17:28:00.000+08:00

Oh yeah reach home ard 1pm, there is nothing in the afternoon in camp so i came back early. When i reached home i just fall dead on my bed. Had a very strange dream don't exactly remembered what i dreamt. All i remembered in the dream was i was with a lady then suddenly Fibian(my friend) appeared in ladies wear,keep telling about relationship stuff and the lady beside me skin started to peel off. Eeee... The 3 of us were surrounded by a large unknow army. Shortly after i was waked up by a call from my Hp and it was Fibian! Strange huh??

Yawnz..

2005-04-23T15:33:00.000+08:00

Dame is 3.33pm now and i just woke up. Haha.. Not feeling quite well now, abit feverish with a bad flu. I went to devils yesterday night with Welly along with his ex, cannot remember her name.LOL. I met yvonne,joely and ah bee there too ended up 3 of them join our table. Saw a few regular clubbers there too, mavis,paul & daniel quite shock they still remembered me as i only met them a few times. By the time is ard 3 am only left me,Welly and Eng(Puzzle who is he? Secret. ahah). Welly intro a frenz of his to me, if i am not wrong her name is called kerlyn or somthing like that.. i cannot really remember it.. Oops.. A very chatty lady with a amazing body. Haha.. By the time i reach hm i am juz too sick to go back camp.. I got a fever. -.-"

Some Quiz

2005-04-22T02:01:00.000+08:00

Oh well.. Something interesting.. Maybe u guys shld try dis.. I am a hero in my past.. Haha!

The Hero!

What was your job in a past life? (LOTS of results & Anime Pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

Boring... Suckie..

2005-04-22T01:53:00.000+08:00

Oh yeah.. Finally i am free to post something on Blog. Well... I have been trying to design my own blog but got no much time to do it.. So i choose this nice little skin from blogskin.
Nothing much abt my day, Book in ard 4pm then but book out ard 6pm.. Envy? Haha. Caught a movie with kailun at ard 930 pm,title call CREEP. IS A SUCKIE MOVIE MAN!!! Waste my money but that is not the worst i had watched. The most suckie movie i had watched is called OPEN WATER. Kinda of late now.. got to go Orr orr lo.. Nitez..

2005-03-08T18:52:00.001+08:00

Another of my Platoon Flag..

2005-03-08T18:52:00.000+08:00

My Ocs platoon Flag.. I miss my days there. Miss all my buddies from platoon 2. CHARLIE 2! Ho ah!!

Commissioned Lo!!!

2005-03-08T18:22:00.000+08:00

The Day Officially Commissioned as an officer